/excess: I just finished a box of pizza tonight and it feels glorious.
For weeks now, I've been meaning to write something about October, the only month that makes me excited because it's my birth month.
When I was younger, there were years when I don't feel like celebrating my birthday at all, to the point of telling people that I almost forgot it's my birthday (sheesh, who would believe that?) I think this year would feel the same. Last night, while talking to my friend Dharel, in between 2nd and 3rd floor of Shangri-La, I felt really afraid that in less than two weeks, I'll be in my 23rd year. he has successfully rubbed in my face that a. I am getting older and b. it's scary to get old.
While I kept my composure despite the inner fear, I thought about all the things he said and wondered, "Why must I be afraid?" I always used to say that age is just the number and that youth is a state of mind (and a noun). But the closer I get to the big day, the closer I realise that it's never going to be easy breezing through another year. That also, the fear of not being able to do anything, stems from the fear that in the next few years or so, you'd become too old to accomplish what you want to do, stay barren, and die of disappointment.
While I kept my composure despite the inner fear, I thought about all the things he said and wondered, "Why must I be afraid?" I always used to say that age is just the number and that youth is a state of mind (and a noun). But the closer I get to the big day, the closer I realise that it's never going to be easy breezing through another year. That also, the fear of not being able to do anything, stems from the fear that in the next few years or so, you'd become too old to accomplish what you want to do, stay barren, and die of disappointment.
Looking back, I've always wanted to get older. I've always looked forward to turning a year old and acquiring more wisdom and maturity. But as the countdown to my next birthday begins, I am actually afraid to turn a year older without being wiser. Now that I am no longer getting younger, it's getting a bit scarier of making decisions and actions. When you're young, it's easy to make mistakes because you have years ahead of you to make them right. But 23 is not young anymore, so is 24, 25, and so on. Mistakes today are equal to bad evaluation, magnified by "adults" and their horrible reprimanding because they think you're "old enough" to do things right.
One of my wishes this year is for people and the world to be kind to us, twenty-somethings who want to make the best out of our lives.
Of course, there are other things I am wishing for, but I'll reserve them for next time!
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