Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Terrible Twenty-Three

There are 90+ days before Christmas (I don't know the exact number of days since I stopped my countdown after 100th day mark) and just few weeks before October 18, my birthday - two occasions I actually pay attention to, that I had to make a countdown (although I've said I discontinued my Christmas countdown, too much math).  As of 11:24 P.M., there are 27 days to go before the big day and although I am doing this mental countdown to my quasi quarter life, let it be known that I am not much of excited as I were, say 5-10 years ago.

I remember being eight and excited to be 12. I remember being 12 and wished I'd be 12 forever. 

A lot of people say that age is just a number. That age has nothing to do with wisdom, maturity, growth, and responsibility. You can be 40-something, 4'10", be the president of the Philippines, and remain irresponsible (with initials GMA) or you can be in your tweens, 4 feet something, and be a hero. I'd like to think age is a benchmark for seniority and nothing else. It just makes you feel terrible adding up all the numbers and losing your hair.

Truth is, I'm scared to be twenty-three. I've gone two decades and two years of my life, but I still feel I haven't done enough. I can already hear people, sighing and shaking their heads, telling "you're too young to say that," but come to think it, if the day comes and something happens (of which I don't really want to think about, but who knows) and I've left a very unsatisfying life on Earth, I'd really feel bad. I'd look at myself and say, "what a complete waste of time." They say life is what you make it, that whatever happens to you is due to your actions and decisions, but what if you don't make anything? Or what if you're fated to be something, but decided beforehand that what you chose would be better. Turns out, it's the worse choice and it's already to late to reverse everything?

I have 27 days left before I turn 23. I have so many things that I would want to do before that day. I'm not sure what I would feel if I reach 24 and haven't done any of those. I hope I'd muster enough courage to finally fulfill what I'd want to do and make the last 22 years worthwhile, before I go on and add another year to my birthday candle.

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Cheer up, my next post will be my wish list, hehehe
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