Sunday, September 21, 2014

Jitters

A month from now, I will be celebrating my 26th birthday. I am not sure if I look forward to it or I dread that I'm already on the other half of my twenties. That would be a few Saturdays from now, in which I do not really intend to celebrate having realised that I have to save up for so many things.

It's also my second birthday away from Manila. I do not think it would make much difference if I were there or here, because no matter where I am, my plans would probably be the same either place. This year, it's most likely a celebration in the comforts of our hand-me-down sofa, a notch higher from mattresses of October 2013. Hopefully with the weather as cool and gloomy as today. I will be very excited to be spending a few hours online. Like my usual weekends, only with more interaction because everyone seems to remember anyone on their birthday and forget them for the rest of the year, thanks to Facebook birthday notifications (sad or not?). 

But to be really honest, it's on my birthday that I feel more alone than the rest of the other day in the year. Sure, I have company to make the happiest birthday, but it's not the same. I should have known better that it would be harder in the first few years the moment I decide to pack my bags and go. It's not just my birthday that I missed celebrating, I missed my Mom's, brother's, dog's and everyone else's back home. I hope they feel the same on my birthday, but who knows. And probably, a part of me dread the idea of my birthday (aside from getting old and not having done anything significant, which I will talk about next time for mself-loathinghing airtime) because it's going to be a normal weekend or like any other day, just fleeting.

Oh well. It's still a month from now as I said. Maybe this is just a rambling on a cold, Saturday evening.
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