Wednesday, June 30, 2010

There's a Reason why It's Locked

I say I don't procrastinate, but tonight I did. 

It's just one of those rainy (okay not so rainy now) nights when instead of working, you'd rather snuggle up in sheets and read something brainless. So I ended up going to my former blogs and read all the senseless stuff I have written eons of years ago. 

My first (and probably the last for tonight) stop is livejournal. Weeks ago, I planned to look for a place where I can write things I wouldn't want to share to the entire universe. I know, if I had wanted to keep things from myself, I would have just bought a journal and write away but then I remembered I already have a journal that still works. But I thought I am more of an internet person and would rather have a place to type my "secret" thoughts away than write it all out. So I went to my old unused LJ account and look for a probable place and boom! I think I found the perfect blogsite. 

I started blogging in LJ during 2006, when most of my friends had blogs that were locked and were intended for invited readers only. I liked the idea of having something locked for a change so I made an account and typed all my blues away, in Taglish (WTF right?)

Entries were filled with a lot of unnecessary rantings, those that my 2010 self would find a bit shallow. My LJ was more about infatuation, thoughts of being in love, pile of schoolwork and endless quotable quotes I wonder how I accumulated. At times it was funny to read what I had written, and there were those that made me squirm and thought, "what was I thinking?"  

But there were entries that actually struck me. Like how I asked about life and my thoughts on love (basing on different experiences I had). How I went through a painful moving- on phase with someone who I thought was in- love with me and how the simplest things made me happy. It was fun to discover that despite the three- four years, I still want the same things, like karaoke nights and gigs. Things I used to do that I can no longer do now.  

Probably of all my blogs, LJ and I had a deeper connection. It has kept all my secret YM! conversations, my hopes and desires. Those that I'd rather not tell everybody, but myself. 

So after all the teary eyes from all the laughing, I've decided to write again in my LJ. But this time, I am keeping everything for my eyes only. Not that I don't want to be judged by the thoughts that at 21, I still accumulate mundane ideas. I just want a place where I can vent out and be silly again without people calling me stupid behind my back. In LJ, at least, the only person I have to please is myself. 

Everything else is LJ locked.
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