The thing about writing is not to talk, but to do it; no matter how bad or even mediocre it is, the process and production is the thing, not the sitting and theorizing about how one should write ideally, or how well one could write if one really wanted to or had the time. As Mr. Kazin told me: “You don’t write to support yourself; you work to support your writing.”Sylvia Plath
Every time one sits down to that blank page, there is that fresh horror, which must be overcome by practice and practice.
The constant struggle in mature life, I think, is to accept the necessity of tragedy and conflict, and not try to escape to some falsely simple solution which does not include these more somber complexities.
Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing.
It is the articulation of experience which is so necessary to me; even if I never publish again, I shall still have to write, because it is the main way I give order to this flux which is life.
I am fighting, fighting, and I am making a self, in great pain, often, as for a birth, but it is right that is should be so, and I am being refined in the fires of pain and love.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
- i don't need it thank you.
- no. /edit. my friend Joseph told me I'm cool. the question is, Do you think you're cool? you sound so cool. LOL.
- hahaha katawa. i probabaly wouldn't. another person's trash is still a trash.
- i think so. cos they'll always find something wrong with you and so you'll appear bad. seriously, haters should get a life or sum'n. difference? spelling? LOL.
- who is?
- para bukas lang? mag charades sa damuhan? kaya ba couz??? :-)
- hahaha good for you! haha
- ayyy omg. you're not over rey candido pa rin! :)) kasi naman, rey sila parehas. salamat sa suporta. may JICKIM pa rin ;) or JICKIAN =P hahaha
- oo, super. hephep! crush mo boyfriend ko??? hahaha
- hahaha well thank you ;-) at ikaw lang alam ko na tumatawag sa kanya nyan. :-)
- hehe hinde. kasi green, yellow and orange lang din yun eh.
- what's it for you if you knew about my feelings towards her?
- edi si couz marge ;-)
wala eh. seryoso. or kung meron di ko lang maisip. sorry probably not the answer you're looking for.
- john gonzales? oo ata sya ata tinutukoy nyan.
- pensive. hmmmn self: patience life(style): procastination
- hehehe =P
- cos we're siblings?
- oo gusto ko si jeric as a friend :-)
- what are you talking about? haha
- hahahahaha :)) i know. ;)
- true true can't waaaait!
- Wahahahaha :)) si apol gamboa. kasi laki ng pwet nya
- iba nga yung sagot ko eh. :))
- It's stupid! cos love is fresh like a morning air! duh.
- hmmmn. hindi ko lang naffeel. :))
- i am expecting you to make hawak dharel's pwet tomorrow. kthanks.
- oo eh. sobraaa as in feel na feel ko. sa sobrang feel ko gusto ko na maging anak nya. yuck, stalker ka ah!
- and you're referring to? haha
- i am? thanks. :-) probably cos i have awesome stuff around me.
haha that's stupid.
- of course!
- hahahaha :)) sali ka na lang teh ;))
- haha well good for you have a great time with the weed. didn't get to see you today though
- i think so. do you care?
- anong kela?
- e syempre, wag mo hawakan para lumambot. kasi pag hinawakan mo yun titigas ulit.
- estimate? mga 10 siguro
- sakto lang. pero ito na ata pinakamahaba
- tingin ko.
- I doubt.
- I think I am quite sentimental :-)
- Go get some! But IDK where to get.:-/ give me cigs tomorrow!
- TEAM CONAN ALL THE WAY BABY! I was never a fan of Leno.
- provided that person is a zombie no? hmmmn. wala ako maisip ah... IDK. siguro random na lang para mabawasan kalaban instead of looking for someone na specific.
- where exactly pala there? was kind of all over ghills kanina :-)
- really? :-) you should have said Hi! :-)
Feelings can't even be digressed. It's like being shot, point- blanc. You never knew things would be in the same cycle. Getting hurt and sadness seem to make a good combination. It can always, always put you down. Shoving people away from you, making them feel unappreciated.
Always in this position.
Thinking what if it never happened? What if it never occurred to people that it would be nice to find their perfect fit? What if you're better off, alone than be eternally hurting because of other people? It's not even proper.
But you should always be hopeful.
There will be a lot of days like this in the future. When on the verge of giving up, there will always be someone to lift you and make things better.
But probably not someone you always thought you knew.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
If you're a normal person, you can probably have a grasp whether or not you are hated. It can come out quite obviously if people start going against your direction or they don't want to include you. Listen, not all things will be about you and no matter how much you push yourself to it, if it's not for you, it isn't for you. A little sensitivity would be much appreciated. Take a time off and smell your environment.
Suck on that.
Friday, January 22, 2010
That's something really unfortunate for my future husband and family. I can't cook a decent meal to save my life and probably if I start living on my own, years from now, I'm afraid I will have to depend on take- outs and fast food dine- ins. All my past boyfriends know this. All the guys who started making the moves also knew about this. The potential husband to be knows this. I'm glad this has not caused any issue. Well, just yet.
Two weeks ago, my boyfriend asked me to cook for him, but I ended up buying a meal from Burger King. I think he's a better cook than I am. He can make anything, he's a kitchen genius. Maybe because he's been living independently for three years now and his family is into this cooking- activity- as- a- bonding thing, which my family do not have. We leave all the cooking to mama, because she's a really good cook.
Sometimes I wonder how mama whips out those delicious meals. I mean, she's not into those cooking shows and she only reads cooking books when she has to (e.g. cook meal for party, special occasion) But to read it like most women do, say leisurely, no, she does not do that. Sometimes when there are left over ingredients in the fridge, give everything to her and she can absolutely make something out of it. She's a kitchen extraordinaire.
Although I may look like someone who's not interested in cooking meals, I am definitely much willing to learn and take on any dish. Deep inside, I want to cook something. I want to come up with a meal. I want to cook something soupy, like Sinigang na Baboy. I want to cook the staple Filipino food Adobo. I want to cook my comfort food Menudo, but I want them to taste like Mama's. I don't think I'll be able to eat them if they don't taste the same as hers.
I remember during our Home Economics class in High School, we were taught how to cook simple meals. Those that involve deep frying, boiling, etc. All I did was buy the ingredients and boss people around and tell them what to do. When the teacher's there, that's when I will "involve" myself. When she leaves, I'd be the first one to go. The only time I allowed myself to get involved in was when we started baking. I loved baking pies! We used to do custard pies back then and mine is always a hit, because I "put my heart in to it." Other than the pies, everything else is FAIL, I have to say.
The only reason I can think of now why I don't like cooking is because it takes a lot of time. You have to carefully measure everything to get the right taste and texture. You have to wait for the pan to heat up or the water to boil before you put something. Cooking entails a lot of waiting and I am afraid that's something I do not have. I lack the patience. If probably I can gather up enough patience, then I can probably come up with my own dish.
For now, I'll be waiting for my patience to level up and by then hopefully I can whip out my own Sinigang na Baboy, like the one we're having tonight for dinner.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Here are some questions I haven't posted yet, see if yours question's there :-)
How much do you love Denison? You look so cute together! See you in AB!
- I can't even measure it! :-) Love is something you can't measure, really :-) Thank You! When we see each other in AB, say Hi to me so I'd know :-)
- OMG CHIENA YOU JUST CAN'T ASK PEOPLE WHY THEY'RE WHITE!!!
- You shouldn't be :-) I know there's something you're really good at and you should channel all your efforts in making this better. :-)
- Kuya ikaw to. Kala ko hater ka na naman! edi magssign up ka, tas may magtatanong anonymously or di haha tas sasagutin mo. done!
- Meron ba? If there are any, say hi! I let them be :-) there's nothing wrong about being a fan, fan di kasi ako eh, I know the feeling. tas sa stalkers, uhm, takot ako sa stalkers so I'll say bluntly, medj rude pero sasabihin ko talaga na space please. Haha, may space issues ako eh. =P
- Sais ang sagot!!! :))
- yan din ang tanong namin, tunay ka bang isa sa amin?
- "How you Doin'?" LOL. JOEY TRIBIANNI!!! :)) wala ako maalala, srsly. hahaha :))
- haha :)) best part, naku, maski pangit tong year nato, marami na rin, OJT sa HIP, Boyf, and DL :-) sagot dyan 56 haha :)) Happy New Year Ms. Quel!!!
- ito yung naiisip ko agad ngayon, Empire State of Mind, Everybody Nose, Wha' a Git, Logistical Nightmare, Video Phone HAHAHA :)) Happy Nyu Nyir :-D
- sino ka ba? lakad kita you want? :)) makakarating
- e bakit ba? nalugi ka ba nung nakita mo? ahahaha :))
- a big fat NO. :))
- i'm using chrome right now, and i love it :-)
- thanks :-) tumblr, fuckyeahthebeatles i think
- who is this? haha libre ba yan?
- okay lang, tanungin mo kaya sya sa formspring nya :)
- what is so feisty about LOL- ing. get a life. haha
- whutz. of course i won't. i don't even know you and jerk-o mo naman. LOL.
- cannabis sativa. LOLOLOLOLOL. tinatanong pa ba yan??? EDI VIDEOKE!!! Backstreetboys!!! lavet.
- I'm good. you?
- haha! Hi dheababe! I've done a lot, space isnt enough. LOL!
- o im sorry about this. have you tried hanging out with people outside your university? or your high school friends?
- you probably haven't found the right set of friends yet. join orgs and go outside your classmates. broaden your network, you might find your right fit there. if all else fails, send me your questions, i'll help you through formspring.
If someone’s treating you in a way you dont deserve to be treated, will you still hold on?
- Eeep. I say I will hold on, until the person tells me I should stop holding on. If you ask me this last year, I would have probably given a different answer.
Sumagi na ba sa isip mo na ang pretentious mo?
- Di e :p Ikaw ba?
What are your plans after graduation?
- I’ll probably work first then study at DLSU a year after or when schedule permits :) I really want to take up MA in Communications or Lit :)
Aba, todo sa advice ah, anong sikreto mo? Haha. by iosepusmagus
- hahahaha :)) madami akong sikreto ;)
my boyfriend for 6 years, and i just broke up a week ago. and it hurts, i know you know. i’m not sure what’s with me pero i don’t seem to be really sad. and just some hours ago he asked me kung may bago na daw ako. and i didn’t reply. i don’t know, i seem to not care anymore, about him, about the break up. does this mean i’m really over us? or can this be some defense mechanism? i don’t know who else to ask eh. sorry :|
- Hi! Are you the same person who asked about his 6 year- relationship to someone who hasn’t introduced the GF to his family?
well, first, Im really sorry about the break up. yes, I’ve been there. The weird thing also is, I also broke up with someone and didn’t feel sad. Sabihin ko na lang sayo yung case ko. I don’t think it was my defence mechanism eh, maybe I was just too tired and unconsciously, while we’re together, I just want to end things with him kaya after nung break up, I didn’t feel so sad about it. I felt relieved actually.
In your case, I think that’s a defence mechanism, because just by saying that you’re hurting, it means you’re feeling something and when you’re hurt, it’s either you’re angry or sad. I don’t think you’re already over him, but rather you’re using that to cover up your sadness, which I say you should acknowledge.
I suggest you go through the process, don’t sugar coat or do anything. It’s necessary to feel everything because you’ll feel something’s missing in the future if you skip through it.
I hope I helped you. :)
yep. ako nga yun. (previous question). ang totoo naguiguilty ako, kase i can feel he’s making some efforts for us to be ok, not necessarily as a couple again but as friends at least. we’re good friends for 4 years kase prior to being a couple. oh well. siguro since i’m busy din, the break up hasn’t completely dawned to me yet. hahaha. i think i should give it more time. :) thanks!
- Yeah, give it some time. but don’t let it consume your time naman hehe :-)i if he’s making efforts to be friends again, oks lang pero wag muna pilitin kung di kaya. :-) sabi nga sa akin dati, you have to go through CIA: There’s Catharsis, there’s Insight, there’s Action. :) ipiga mo lahat ng mapipiga, iyak mo lahat tas realize what you have learned and what you should do, and make an action towards your problem :)
You have a dilemma, what are the first three things you consider doing?
- Stay calm, weigh things, sleep :) solving the problem comes after sleeping :)
naughty or nice?
- naughty. if you’re santa, reconsider please? =P
Payag ka, boyfriend mo ideal guy mo, at tipong tatanda ka kasama sya pero ngipin mo one seat apart? by iosepusmagus
- HAHAHAHAHA =)) ANUKUNEKSYONNUNSABOYFRIENDKO? :)) ako oo, hahaha siya, DAPAT!
Kung magkakazombie epidemic at nakita mo ang iyong kaaway noong buhay pa sya na naglalakad patungo sa iyo at inaasam ang iyong utak. Saan mo babarilin ito? Paano naman kung mahal mong kamaganak ang nakita mong zombie, saan mo ito babarilin? by iosepusmagus
- e pag zombie na yun, di na sila yun, no! hahaha yung kaaway ko, kung lalake sa pototoy nya, HAHAHA yung babae, sa utak na lang :-D
what happened to you and the journ vp guy? the big bald guy.
- HAHAHAHAHA amp. bald. :)) mohawk kasi. dude, obviously we broke up. haha :))
yup yup mohawk i mean. nakasideview kase sya lagi pag nakikita ko kaya yung kalbo side lang nakikita ko. lol. why did you break up if i may ask? you seem so cute together eh. sayang.
- HAHAHAHAHAHA =)) how cute is cute? parang aso cute? HAHAHAHAHAHA =)) we broke up cos it didn’t work out well. Uy, ask another question na lang. :-D i dont think my BF will like to this hehe :) besides, it’s too personal. kthanx.
Mahilig ka rin ba sa matigas? by iosepusmagus
- oo naman, lalo na kung Dick, Dick Gordon =P
anyare? by chacunanan
- wala naman teh. :))
sex or fuck?
- what’s the difference? :-/ i say fuck, cos it’s my favourite word. LOL
Anong major sa AB ang sa tingin mo ay may pinakamaraming cute guys? LOL by mskzalameda
- WAHAHAHA =)) wala eh. san ba? Journ? =P yuck bias
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Trust me, there’s really nothing special about me. I find it really hard actually to tell things about myself because although people would think I am interesting, there really isn’t anything meant writing about myself.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
- My Boyfriend
- My freelance writing jobs
- My 1. something grade, enough to be DL
- The drive to finish my thesis this year
- Stronger bonds with old friends
- The pursuit of greater knowledge
- The inspiration to write and paint again