Friday, October 30, 2009

Stormy Night

FAIL!!!
It sucks not to know your grades because the website's not going well. It adds more drama and I hate drama. Not to be confused as a GC (grade conscious) cos I never was, I just want to know how well (or bad) I did this sem. There were just a lot of things that went on last sem and too much patience and hardwork were given and i'd go crazy if I get something that I don't deserve. But, knowing me (again) I won't take it to authorities because I hate going through the process.

So in few weeks time, we'd be on our last semester with the weirdest schedule ever assembled.

the ladder sched
I fucking hate it. I can't expect myself to attend one class days (hello Tuesday and Thursday!) This sem's so screwed. I don't want to go to school anymore. The only thing that's keeping me from staying at home are my friends and Denison.

Ah, I'm feeling a bit melancholic tonight that I forgot what this blog post's supposed to be about.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Fantastique

Bummed at my dad’s office today, I flipped channels over at his TV and started watching FTV (Fashion TV) again. It’s been a while since I last took a peek in this channel. Subscribed to Sky Cable silver (yeah, that’s the cheapest package, right?) at home, we’re mostly deprived of the worth- watching channels to choose from. It sucks, I know.

I remember when we used to be with Destiny Cable. We used to have a lot of channels, some of them I don’t even got to watch ‘cos they’re in Japanese. Weird. People also told me that in the wee hours of morning, DC shows porn movies. That I never got to see also. So, have I missed anything? Anyway, as a couch potato kid, my days started with turning the TV on. My channel of choice was (and will always be) MTV, followed by Channel V, then Cartoon Network, then FTV. I don’t care about HBO or Star Movies, even Discovery Channel. I don’t find animals amusing or any action sequence in that matter. I always thought I was the pop culture kid. So go figure.

Dad got DC out and took back Sky Cable, but we kept the TV. If you’ve been to my room, I used to have a flat screen TV, but Papa took it and brought it to his office. SUUUUCKS.

Anyway, back to FTV. I was watching it for almost whole day today, I swear. They were showing Milan Fashion Week, London Fashion Week and Paris Fashion Week featuring S/S collection for 2010 awhile ago. I was captivated. I’m always fascinated on how things work in backstage of a Fashion Show and FTV gave that to me. And they had the Nina Ricci Fall 2009 RTW too, which I’ve got to say is really awesome. And the shoes, KILLER. This collection was designed by Olivier Theyskens.

My Favourites:

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Romantic is Me

I admit, I'm a hopeless romantic.

For starters, I never I acknowledge this fact ever. Since I am known as a tough cookie, crispy bitch, I never admit that I get the all sappy romantic, even in the smallest things. But yes, I believe in the cheesiest things and the mushy feeling. My heart melts whenever I see people finding each other (in reel and real life). I get good goosebumps from wedding ceremonies, just by the mere exchange of the template-d "I do's." I sing along to some love songs and sometimes, get teary eyed just by listening to them over and over. I swoon over killer love scenes, not those sexed- up type, but those really sweet, holding hands, eye contact kinds.

I believe in soul mates. I believe that we're meant to be with someone out there. I believe that we live with just the half our hearts and someone's gong to be the other half, filling in the space. I believe our hands would look perfect clasped with somebody else's. I believe that someone's sharing the same heartache and joys with us somewhere, just because your hearts are beating in the same rhythm and pace. I know, someone's out there, willing to understand us because they just know what we're going through. I know someone's meant to be with us for the rest of our lives. I just know.

But it's really sad if we don't get to find that someone.
I hope everybody will get a chance to find their perfect pair.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Hooray.

It's almost two days before this sem ends and I am not happy.

I have so many things going through in my mind right now and though I am generally an optimistic person, I don't think thinking about happy thoughts or counting can make what I feel disappear. Clearly, you can't have it all. I am one of them drones. Dwelling on impossible things. Anticipating and getting nothing in return.

I was on the verge of crying, of so many reasons. I know, crying helps ease the pain. But I don't think it would be enough. I'd only get swollen eyes and still feel it after. Nothing will change. My high spirits went zero today. I am not happy.

Oh, wait, I just said that I am not happy twice now. Now, make it thrice.

Great first blog on my 21st year.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hohum.

It's in rainy days like this when you find yourself staring at a blank wall thinking about nothing. Suddenly, out of hours of staring, you suddenly feel your eyes getting heavy and tears start pouring in. And then you realize that you were not just staring, you are, actually thinking of a lot of things. In my case, the things that I'm missing.

Funny how when we were younger, we wanted to press fast forward and be adults. Trying to act cool around kids 'cos we "don't want to be them" and when we get older, all we wanted is to make time stand still or better, rewind everything just so we can savour more our days when we were still kids.

Maybe because of the thought that it'll be my birthday in few days and I'll be adding another year. Or because I am graduating and that somehow, although I've been telling that I am ready to face the whole wide world, deep inside I am scared to leave my comfort zone. 2009 has been a year of change for me and there are still more to come in two months.

Whenever I find myself walking alone (which happens rarely now a days) I can't help but think about so many things in my life. There's a mini tug- of- war of some sort in my head. And it pains me that the more I think about them, the often I get headache. There are things that I want to do, but there are things that I REALLY want to do. But if I do the things that I really want to do, I doubt if my life would get better. Ah, the trying times of adulthood.

As kids, our life was less complex. I remember the shallow things we had to think about because there were adults to correct them for us. To teach us what to do. That our dilemmas were between which tastes better or what we're eating for lunch. Who'll be playing the teacher and who'll be the it kid. But now, we have responsibilities on our shoulders. We have money to deal with. We face our problems and deal with them on our own. We get our hearts broken and our tears come from not just falling from trees, but because of falling in love.

I miss the times when I can easily trust everybody. I miss the times when I can run around shouting at the top of my lungs, just because. I miss lying in bed, until one pm because I'm not worrying about the tons of work that I'll be dealing with. I miss the uncomplicated life.

If only I can bring them all back.
But we can't.
All we have is now and the future.

---

I remember when I still don't have a complicated fone, with complicated music player. I think my 6300's music player is turning bitch on me. Aaahhh.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Wish List

Because it's my birthday in eight (freaking!) days and I can't remember the time when I posted any wish list. I've always told people asking me what I want for a gift to just give me money since they don't usually get what I request from them. Now for a change, I'll be specifying what I want for my 21st birthday. Aah. Time flies so fast, I can't believe I'm already 21. Though age is really a state of mind (or what I always tell myself when I feel old), I can't help but think that I'm so legal enough to pass out on the streets. Dude, I'm just kidding!

So if you love me so much, here are few of the things I would want to acquire when I reach the big 2-1.

1. I Love Nerds Hello Kitty bag- Growing up, I've always been a fan of Hello Kitty. I remember when I would always ask people to give me Hello Kitty stuff when I was younger. I also remember having Hello Kitty bags and wallets during my elementary years. Trips to Sanrio store (or Gift Gate) are always fun. And now for my birthday, I want to add another HK bag to my almost extinct collection. Although this bag looks like any other canvass bags around, I'd love to have this 'cos it's Hello Kitty with the glasses (so me!) and I love nerds!

2. Books! It's been a while since I bought a book that's not from a bargain store. I know, before I can't scrimp my money on books, but now I had to tighten my budget and just buy what I need. Sadly, books are not my top most priority right now. There are lots of titles that I've been meaning to buy, but I can't because they're out of my budget. So, will you be nice to give me any of these?

Clockwise: Sexual Personae by Camille Paglia, Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, Style from A- Zoe by Rachel Zoe, Influence by Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, Ways of Seeing by John Berger, Tao of Pooh and Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff
3. Sylvia Plath Collection- Because Sylvia Plath is one of my favourite writers, I think she deserves her own number in my wish list. Since I already have The Bell Jar (courtesy of my good friend Lulu) I am now asking you to give me any Sylvia Plath book, a companion would be good.

4. John Hughes movies box set- I want to watch his movies all day! This box set only contains Weird Science, Sixteen Candles, and The Breakfast Club. You have to also include Pretty in Pink in there too!


4. Shoes! It hurts so much to walk around malls looking for nice shoes and when you finally found them, you notice you can't afford the pair. Dangnabit. Sucks right? Anyhoo, my favourite pairs come from Aldo, VNC, and Charles and Keith. GCs would be nice too.

5. The Cure's 3- Disc CD special- You know that The Cure's my favourite band, right? Well, fortunately, they're releasing something special by 2010. So if you don't have money this October, you can choose to give me this by next year.

These are all I can think of right now. If ever I want to add some more, then you'll have to watch out! Weee... Birthday wishes!

---

edit.

6. Heather Miss Grey Shirts- a colab between Bleach Catastrophe and Ms. Cecile Van Straten. I haven't gone to BC yet to check out if they're already selling it in stores.



From Tumblr

When I'm not in Blogspot, my other blogging outlet is Tumblr. Something I got from a blog.
"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up".

Friday, October 9, 2009

Issues

When I really feel tired and sleepy, I tend to think about my personal issues and how I try not to deal with them. Sometimes, I feel like I wanted to tell the whole world about it, but then in a world like ours, full of judgmental and dim witted people, it's hard to even open it up. In my (lame) attempt to outburst, I am trying to let the world wide web know my issues right now. Just few on the top of my head.
  1. I have Trust Issues. I don't know how and when this started, but all I know is that it's very hard for me to trust someone completely. Sure, I can tell you a lot of things about me, but that does not mean I trust you. Sadly, I don't trust anyone right now, even my parents. Maybe because my father has instilled on me to never trust anybody or because I've always believed that it's a dog- eat- dog world and for me not to get hurt, I must not learn to trust anyone entirely. But I know this has gone too much that every little thing I see or hear makes me suspicious. I don't know how this can be put off, but I am pretty sure that I still have it now.
  2. I hate it when people do things because of incentives.
  3. I hate wearing dresses because I have really bad legs. On top of that, my dogs just added more scratches and now my legs look like a they've gone hiking to a bushy forest. FML. But today, due to the insistent public demand (of my group mates) I had to don a dress and wear a high- heeled shoes for a spiel.


  4. People should learn to practice what they preach. I absolutely hate people who tell me what I should do, but they themselves can't do it. Don't tell me to stop doing things when I can see you doing the same. I'll just lose respect on you.
  5. Don't do pinky swear when you can't keep a promise.
  6. I hate people who waste time.
  7. Believe me, you don't know EVERYTHING.
Hopefully after this, I can already eat my dinner.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Nega.

Really, there are some people who just can't mind their own businesses.

I thought I've had enough of this, you know, High School drama. But lo and behold, college still has those girls who just won't shut their pork traps, talking nonsense about you. I don't really have any problem with people talking behind my back, you know, it happens. You can't please everybody and I thought, I've had that in HS, why would I be bothered with it now? Good for you if you haven't had those yet, but to someone like me who has gone through four years of living and breathing with girls, I know the game. Really, I thought it's all over by college 'cos it's supposed to be new life, turning over new leaf, leaving childish foolishness.

What I don't understand is, bitch, it's our life. We can do whatever we want to do. We can be together 'cos we love each other. This is not what you think it is 'cos I am not stupid to even go there. Are we bothering you? 'Cos if we do, seriously I don't care. But please, just learn how to shut up because you don't know ANYTHING. Don't pretend like you are aware of what's happening, 'cos you don't. I don't know what's up with you. I am trying to be nice, though I'm not because I just don't want to bother people. All I want is to love him and be with him and suddenly, out of nowhere, you're giving out snide comments about us. Girl, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

I wish the nature will work its way to you. I hope you pass third year, get a good internship, submit all your articles to The Journalese and find yourself a boyfriend so you would stop bothering people, okay?

BV. Gaah, It's my birth month, I can't tolerate stupidity.