Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Hohum.

It's in rainy days like this when you find yourself staring at a blank wall thinking about nothing. Suddenly, out of hours of staring, you suddenly feel your eyes getting heavy and tears start pouring in. And then you realize that you were not just staring, you are, actually thinking of a lot of things. In my case, the things that I'm missing.

Funny how when we were younger, we wanted to press fast forward and be adults. Trying to act cool around kids 'cos we "don't want to be them" and when we get older, all we wanted is to make time stand still or better, rewind everything just so we can savour more our days when we were still kids.

Maybe because of the thought that it'll be my birthday in few days and I'll be adding another year. Or because I am graduating and that somehow, although I've been telling that I am ready to face the whole wide world, deep inside I am scared to leave my comfort zone. 2009 has been a year of change for me and there are still more to come in two months.

Whenever I find myself walking alone (which happens rarely now a days) I can't help but think about so many things in my life. There's a mini tug- of- war of some sort in my head. And it pains me that the more I think about them, the often I get headache. There are things that I want to do, but there are things that I REALLY want to do. But if I do the things that I really want to do, I doubt if my life would get better. Ah, the trying times of adulthood.

As kids, our life was less complex. I remember the shallow things we had to think about because there were adults to correct them for us. To teach us what to do. That our dilemmas were between which tastes better or what we're eating for lunch. Who'll be playing the teacher and who'll be the it kid. But now, we have responsibilities on our shoulders. We have money to deal with. We face our problems and deal with them on our own. We get our hearts broken and our tears come from not just falling from trees, but because of falling in love.

I miss the times when I can easily trust everybody. I miss the times when I can run around shouting at the top of my lungs, just because. I miss lying in bed, until one pm because I'm not worrying about the tons of work that I'll be dealing with. I miss the uncomplicated life.

If only I can bring them all back.
But we can't.
All we have is now and the future.

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I remember when I still don't have a complicated fone, with complicated music player. I think my 6300's music player is turning bitch on me. Aaahhh.
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